he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need moral support for this bender
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
