I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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