Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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