my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just invented taco cereal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
