A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
