I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
