Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
