All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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