WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
