Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize