alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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