he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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