just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I want is dick and wine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
