New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
