My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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