i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
