Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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