Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
