i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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