I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
