I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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