I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
