I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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