First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
