I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
