my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
