Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
