worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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