the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
