I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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