I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
