hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
