I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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