I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
