Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
