what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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