Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
