Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
