i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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