idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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