I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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