took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
