i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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