I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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