Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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