Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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