Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
