His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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