Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You ruined the universe
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
