I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
