you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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