We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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