i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
