so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
