she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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