sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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