He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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