I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
