ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
