What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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