shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize