If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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