apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
