Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
